Quailitude Dot Com

A Departure From Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 20:49:00 +0000

Well, hello again to everyone who thought I have been dead for the past few weeks. I've wanted to post, but the right words never came, plus I've had Pneumonia, so when the words did come they were drowned out by coughing. Or as the professionals call it: "blah blah blah" (I had Pneumonia when they told me). So, here I am again to talk to you about Christmas.

I got on a plane, went to Texas, and on my way I saw it again. I wrote about this over the summer, but sense no one knew who the hell I was over the summer, I suppose I shall just start the beginning.

Airport. Baggage Checking (yes, they checked my bag, they always do. they ALWAYS look at the books, I guess they think they're the anarchists cookbooks or something). And the X-ray machine for my bag. As the bag came flying from the machine, through the rubber strips that hid the inside, I saw it. You've seen it too. I know you have, everyone has. I saw a hand pushing the bag out. It was just for a split second, but I saw it. My mother didn't believe me. BUT I SAW IT.

So I get to Texas, land of the wild, free-range republicans, on Christmas Eve, and promptly go to sleep. When I wake up I find the Christmas presents. I eat the chocolate in the stocking and start opening.

The list:
-The Monty Python Calender
-The Monty Python Autobiography
-Lost First Season, and
-the original King Kong

I was happy with it. I had forgotten about CHristmas, and I honestly didn't care much, what with my recent departure from the belief system behind the holiday. It seems that as I get older, I start to forget about these simple celebrations. My birthday, for example. On the day of my birthday, I remembered that it was, I normally have some form of celebration, very rarely big, usually just a few friends. But I didn't say anything about it, and it just went away. It's kind of depressing. I'm gonna go turn up the airconditioning, turn down the lights and listen to "Wake Me Up WHne September Ends" now, I'll see ya'll when I emerge.

You Too?

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sat, 10 Dec 2005 15:41:00 +0000

Until last Monday I had no idea what U2 was. I had heard some stuff about the band, very vague stuff, and I had seen part of that iPod commercial that features Original of the Species on an iPod. Besides that, I was utterly ignorant. Adam had tickets to a concert to their concert at the Bank North Garden (thank bob it's not the "Fleet Center" anymore, ug) and, in his ADD way, he told me in a way similar to this:

ADAM: So we can work on filming the skit sometime next week?
ME: Ya, sure.
ADAM: Alright.
ME: Ok then.
ADAM: . . .
ME: . . .
ADAM: . . . You wanna go to a U2 concert on Monday?

So, I had no idea what I was in store for. I arrived at the center early, because we had unsuccesfully tried to have a leisurely dinner before hand, and met the crowds. Adam's mother and her. . . sister? went off to their side of the stadium, and we off to ours. Of course we had the worst seats. When I say back, I mean as high as you can go, up against the concrete wall with the seats below you about 6 inches away and 1 foot down. But soon the lights went out and I sat back to watch my first glimpse of U2.

Soon they came out onto the stage. The stage was, Adam informed me, formed in the shape of U2's signature, the circle inside of another circle, and that was on the end of a long oval that stretched from one end of the court (for this is also a playing court for the Celtics) to the other. Inside the oval but not on the stage was an area called the Ellipse, where about one hundred lucky fans scremed wildly.

The first up was the lead singer, a blonde man in his late twenties, I would guess, followed by one guitarist and a drum player. And they began to play. And it wasn't very good. In fact, it was rather crappy. Those of you who don't know who U2 are are probably nodding your heads right now saying "Yep, yep, that's U2 alright." Those of you who do know U2 are probably shaking your heads and saying "Bono isn't blonde. And U2 is one damn good band." That's correct, for I had mistaken the sideshow band for U2. The sideshow played for about 45 minutes, and then got off the stage to the dripping sound of golf-applause. There was a half hour intermission, and then the show began.

The first song was "City of Blinding Lights". The first band member on stage was the drummer, whose name I did not know at the time, but whose name I have sense guessed (just guessed. . . GUESSED. Correct me if I am wrong, which I probably am) to be Larry (???????????????). Next up was Mitch (?????????????) and then The Edge. And they began to play.

A quick strumming filled the stadium, I was right near the speakers, 3 times my hieght and at least 8 feet in width. Slowly a yellow light filled the stadium, and Bono's voice also filtered into my ears, but where was he? I turned my head around, and saw him at the other end of the Ellipse. I don't know how he got there, probably a secret door, but I do know that no one else had noticed it until then, he had just walked up.

"Cit of Blinding Lights" was followed by "Vertigo" and then "Excavation" (that's all I remember, unlike Seth, I do not write down the song list of every concert I go to).

I was blown away. I don't know how I'm going to pay my iTunes bill for this month, and the Library late fees for the U2 CD's I took out are going to cost a fortune. In short, I'm a fan.

WTF Carnival #2

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Thu, 01 Dec 2005 01:37:00 +0000

Well, here we are again, the Wow, That's Funny Carnival #2. The same people are here, mainly Me, Myself, and I. Oh, and then there's Seth, Pixel, and the newbie Adam. Replacing me as the newbie to the Goodie Grab Bag assembly, he should be picked on extra hard. I especially recomend pushing him into walls as often as possible to express your appreciation of his quips. This is coming to you on the 1'st of December, I don't care what day it actually is coming to you on, I'll be busy tomorrow which is why I'm posting today, just don't tell anyone. As always, we vote on the quips we like the most. There hasn't been a limit imposed in the past on how many you can vote on, which I find to be the epitome of stupidy, so I'm making a limit. The limit is 2 to be counted. And we actually are going to count them this month, so take that Bush Administration. Obviously you can say if you like any others in the comments, but please specify your two votes by saying the letters above the quips. So come on in. Yep, that's right, you and you, get on in there. No no, not you. Well, maybe you. Ok, fine, all of you can come in, just don't steal anything. People these days.

A

You hate yourself? How do you think I feel?!?

I'm in the same boat, but I'm going backwards.

You. . . are a placenta!

1: We're even.
2: I don't think we'll ever be even.
1: Why?
2: Because we're too odd.

2: Say the word 'what.'
1: What?
2: Say 'what!'
1: Oh. What?
2: Thanks.

The only thing I love more than food is eating it.

Its not that my jokes aren't funny, you're just ugly.

1. What word has 3 letters in it and starts most sentences?
2. Sex?
1. No, the word "the". . . but lets have some candy.

Evil soldiers who die don't go to hell, they become the French.

I hope you're happy. I lost two night's sleep and a daydream over this!

Man 1: Hey man, I’m sorry I crashed into the back of your car.
Man 2: Oh, that’s all right.
Man 1: Hey, you. . . uh. . . you wanna go exchange insurance information?
Man 2: You mean like. . . uh. . . in the back seat of my car?
Man 1: Ya. . . ya. Let’s go . . . uh . . . exchange insurance information in the back seat of your car.
Man 3: Can I come too?
Man 1: Can your back seat fit that many young men wishing to exchange insurance information?
Man 2: The more the merrier.
Man 3: Awesome.
Man 1: Let’s go.

L

I thought she said sex, but it turned out she said therapy. I guess we do need to work on communication.

M

1: A contradiction cannot exist in the real world.
2: That both is and isn't true.

1. I have an idea!
2. What is it?
1. Well, I’ll tell you: . . . . It’s a reverse mosh pit.
2. What?
1. We take these rock stars and toss ‘em into a pit, then we throw a crowd of moshers onto them!
2. That’s just sick.
1. I know, I love it too.

Boy: You know, ya can't spell "make out" without "me" and "u".
Girl: Ah, well, I could say the same thing about "murder".

It's too quite . . . too quite.

It’s not that I’m intolerant, you’re just ugly

I think a fun thing to do would be to go to an aquarium…and poke the fish.
No, seriously. It's like, the fish is swimming along peacefully, and suddenly THIS FINGER COMES FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! And the fish is like, "What the fuck was that?" But then it just keeps swimming and swimming, when suddenly THE FINGER COMES BACK! And the fish is like, "No, seriously, what the fuck was that?" But then it just keeps swimming and swimming.
Oh, and the merry-go-round is fun too.

Don't hate me for who I am, hate me for who I'm not, that way I don't
feel bad about myself.

1: You know, you shouldn't judge people by the food they eat.
2: Oh?
1: Yeah, I know some very nice cannibals.

1. Okay, okay. I have a joke
2. Alrighty.
1. Are you ready? It’s mad awesome.
2. Yes yes. Go.
1. Okay. . . okay.
2. Yes?
1. Are you sure you’re ready?
2. Yes.
1. Totally psyched up?
2. I’m ready.
1. Okay. . . okay. Here it is:
2. Yes?
1. . . .
2. . . .
1. . . . RELIGION! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
2. . . .
1. . . .
2. That’s not very funny.
1. Yes your right, I don’t really get it either.

I was hoping to think of something good to end this with, but I have alot of trouble writing good conc

Got Color?

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 22:50:00 +0000

The colorquiz is a widely appreciated personality test. Based upon about a decade of psychological study, it attains a persons personality from what their favorite colors are. It didn't really work very well for me. I mean, most of it is right, but there are a few complete surprises. Enjoy yet another quiz, and put that shotgun away, I promise I'll actually write something soon.

Aeger took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Seeks success, stimulation, and a life full of exp..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

WHOA . . . Another Quiz

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sun, 20 Nov 2005 18:12:00 +0000

I know I know I know. It's just that whenever I think of anything meaningful to write I'm behind on my KoH posts.

But anyhwo, here's another deep inside look into my mind:

Your Blog Should Be Green

Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff.
You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas.
However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

or not, either or.

Friendship: Catalogued

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 01:31:00 +0000

Some recent posts over at Pixel's website have got me thinking about friendship, and more importantly, different kinds of friendship.

So, drawing from his input, and with a few ideas of my own, I have endeavored to create a complete list of friendship.

Starting from the ground up:

Byte Sized Friendships: People who you know by name, but not by number, address, facial features, voice, or name.

Acquaintance: People who you may know through school, business, or other mandatory things, but wouldn't otherwise talk to.

Friendly acquaintance: People who you may know through school, business, or other mandatory things, and have gotten together with infrequently.

Friends: People you enjoy talking to, and speak with regularly, but with whom you only meet outside of school, work, etc. infrequesntly.

Good Friends: People who you have a bond with and who you spend at least one day a week with.

Best Friends: People who you have a deep bond with, who know you well enough to finish your sentences, who can tell you anything, and you them, and who, if you got yourself into trouble, would gladly bail you out of jail.

True Friends: People that you have a permanent deep, lasting relationship with, who you almost love, and who, if you got into trouble, would be sitting next to you in the jail cell. (Usually there can only be four of these types of friendships per person, becuase anything more overloads the circuits and cuases said person to reboot).

Well, there you are. There are a few more catagories, yes. But if I got into them I would have to think, and you don't want that.

Thank you for your time.

WTF?!?

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sat, 05 Nov 2005 14:43:00 +0000

The first monthly WTF carnival is in town. A tribute to all that's witty, it will appear once a month and display quips high in wit. You can vote on which ones are the best, and the winner gets. . . absolutely nothing. So enter the world of Pixel and be amazed.

Zee Quizes

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 22:02:00 +0000

You are 60% evil

You are very evil. You are fairly practical in your evil deeds and you probably wouldn’t do anything illegal. You are more inclined to not do anything when you see that something bad is about to happen. Think Seinfeld.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

You have a sexual hidden talent

You have a sexual hidden talent. You might not look it but you are a dynamo in bed. Most of your lovers think that it is from years of practice, but really, you were just born with it.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Death through drugs/alcohol

You are going to die drowning after drinking too much/doing too many drugs. Dying like all of the greatest rockers – because you live like one. You like to party and experiment with perception. Rock on hippie.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Your boss is 55% jerk

Your boss is a big jerk. They are not the worst, but they certainly seem like it at times. Your boss is likely to steal your ideas and pass them off as his/her own and neglect you for promotions. Arg.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Yep, that's Prov all right.

Attention Seth:

You hate know-it-alls!

Know-it-alls are your number one pet peeve. They always know everything, and always take pleasure in making you feel stupid. And they always, always make a point of saying something when you screw up something.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

You have a 80% chance of surviving a T-Rex Attack

You have a very good chance of surviving a T-Rex attack. You are very smart and know how to survive in the wild. You would be first in line if there was ever a real Jurassic Park.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

You are 86% Psychic

You are super psychic. You should work at the psychic friends network. Because of your observant nature, you are able to see the patterns that people and society have to accurately predict the future. Plus you have an uncanny ability to predict chance encounters. You are good at choosing the right stocks and winning at the casino.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Thank you for your time.

Who needs a title when we've got Seth's Blog to steal title ideas from?

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sun, 30 Oct 2005 19:10:00 +0000

When it snowed, I went out and took some pictures. I had this thought of my own accord, and took the pictures with my own (mother's) camera. Enjoy them, because with my dail up it took about 3 hours to load them all.

Thank you for your time.

Goodie Grab Bag #3

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sat, 29 Oct 2005 13:58:00 +0000

So here we are again. Feel free to browse and let my subliminal messages influence your give aeger money mind. Have buy cocacola fun!

1. What's worse than a worm in your apple?
2. Um, half a worm in your apple?
1. No, the holocaust.

Well, you know what they say: so I won't tell you.

1. I kiss this poster twelve times a day
2. You and your silly hormones
1. Hey! leave my hormones out of this

Hello, I am conducting a national survey and I was wondering if I could ask you a question. Yes? Ok then. . . . . . . . . . . . . . How many nipples do you have?

1. I have a girlfriend
2. You have a girlfriend?
1. Yes.
2. Do you keep her chained up in your basement?
1. No.
2. Then how much are you paying her?
1. I'm not paying her anything.
2. Then she's inflatable?
1. How did you guess?

1. My mother just died.
2. Wow, that sucks. Doesn't that just nibble your penis?
1. Yes, yes it does.

Jeffery said "What the hell is wrong with you?" and Kevin replied "Nothing, you asshole." Then it was quiet for a time, and in that infinite silence, somewhere a little rabbit bobbed its head to death metal rock.

Many people these days would just be content to steal Seth's type face and be done with it. I, on the other hand, have to blatantly plagurise a joke he said in his most recent Goodie Grab about how his teacher says he is easily distrac

1. Love thine neighbor as thine lightboard.
2. No, I believe it goes: love thine neighbor as thine beverage container.
1. Sacrilige!
2. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *thud*

Thank you for your return to this site every day time and enjoy the rest of your spend money on me day!

Help! There's an axe in my head.

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sun, 16 Oct 2005 23:50:00 +0000

First of all, many thanks to Pixel for bringing this to my attention, for without this powerful knowledge, I would certainly be slightly more bored.

It could happen anywhere, anytime. You could be walking around in a forighn country, minding your own buisness, when suddernly an axe suddenly gets stuck in your head. This is a hard situation to tangle yourself out of, especially if you don't speak the native language.

I have taken the liberty of doing several seconds of hard work googling ways to get out of this problem, and I have compiled (copied) a great list of how to say "Oh my God! There's an axe in my head." Never again will you need to waste precious hours attempting to explain to native people your condition, now all there is for you to do is access the internet and go to the October Archive of this, scroll through all of the posts I've written during this month, and then find the language you want in this post.

Enjoy!

# Afrikaans: O God! Daar's 'n byl in my kop!
# AlbanianA1: O Zot! Kam sakice ne koke!
# Alsatian: Lever Gott! Es esch a Axe en miner Kopf!
# AmharicA2: Fetariye! Metrebiya bechinklatie wusit ale.
Oh my God! there's an axe in my Amharic head.
# ApeA3: Kree-gur! arad zor wo b'yat
# ArabicA4: Ya Allah! Be fass bi rassi!
# Aragonese, HighA5: Ai ridiós! Tiengo una estral en o tozuelo.
# Assyrian: iliya pashum ina reshimi bashu
# AymaraA6: Iyaw! Mä hachax p'iqijankiwa.

# Babylonian: iliya pashu ina reshiya bashu
# Bahasa Melayu (Malay)B1: Ya tuhanku! Ada kapak dalam kepalaku!
# BahasanB2: O: mie Adonae, estil un acso en mie capito ho!
# BaselangB3: "Won suripiria nemia voci 'wonden divin'. Un chafergarbar i conboro wonden siras posi."
# BasqueB4: Jaungoikoa! Badut aizkor bat buruan!
# BelarusianB5: Bozha moj, ja maju siakeru w halavie
# Bengali: Oh Allah! Amar mathar upor bash poreche.
# Bosnian: Boze moj! sjekira mi je u glavi.
# BretonB6: Ma Doue! Bez' ez eus ur vouc'hal e va fenn.
# BulgarianB7: Bozhe moi, niakoi mi e zabil bradva v glavata!

# CantoneseC1:
Oh my God! there's an axe in my Cantonese head.
# CatalanC2: Déu meu! Tinc una destral al cap.
# CelticB5, C3, I4: Mo Dhia! Ta' tua sa mo cheann.
# Cree (Dialect N)C4: Aah n'kiseemantoom, Ciikahikan asteew nistikwaanihk.
# CzechA4: Pane boze! Mam sekeru v hlave!

# DanishD1: Åh Gud! Jeg har en økse i hovedet.
# Dutch: O, mijn God! Er zit een bijl in mijn hoofd.

# Egyptian, Ancient (Middle Kingdom)E1: in Amun! iw minb m tp-i!
# Elet AntaE2: Ha inyano! Oan kascac inye cufanvay!
# EmoticonE3: k:-O
# English, OldE4: Wa min God! Se æx on min heafod is!
# Esperanto: Mia Dio! Hakilo estas en mia kapo!
# EstonianC3: Oh mu Jumal, mul on kirves peas

# FaroeseF1: Á Gud! Ta er ein øks í høvdinum hjá mær!
# FarsiC3: Oh! Khodayeh Man! Yek Tabar tooyeh saram rafteh!
# FinnishF2: Voi Luoja! Päässäni on kirves!
# FlemishF3: Godverdoeme, d'er zit een bijl in mijnen kop.
# Flemish (Ostend Dialect)F4: Godverdikke! Ken a kapmes in me kop.
# Flemish (West Flanders Dialect)F5: Hodver! Kee n bille in min pleite.
# Flemish (West-Vloams Dialect)F6: Oh uzzen lievn hérè! Ken e bille in mi mulle.
# FrenchF7: Oh mon dieu ! Il y a une hache dans ma tête.

# GermanG1: O mein Gott! Es gibt ein axt im meine kopf.
# German (Carinthian dialect)G2:
Um Goddes wuell, do is a hackale im meim schaedahle.
# German (Styrian dialect)G2:
Jessas, i hab a hockn im schaedel.
# German (Upper Austrian dialect)G3:
Hümmi, Orsch und Zwirn! Do steckt a Hocka in meina Birn.
# German (Vorarlbergerisch; West Austrian dialect)G4:
Hargoläss, do ischt an agscht i minoem griand!
# Goa'uldG5: Yo me Weiafei! Te monba im tap-ei.
# Greek, AncientG6: O Thee! Echo ten labrida en te mou kephale!
# Greek, ModernG6: The'Mou! Eho ena tsekouri sto kefali mou!
# GujaratiA4: Aare Bhaghwan! Mara matha ma ek kuladi chhe.
# GullahG7: Me Gawd! Dey en' ax een me haid!

# HausanH1: Kai! Ina da bambaro ciken kaina!
# HebrewH2: Oh Ellohim! Yesh li garzen ba-rosh.
# Hindi: Hay Bhagwaan! Mere sar mein kulhaadi hain.
# HungarianH3: Jaj Istenem, fejsze van a fejemben!
# HutteseH4: Tcheesa watichika bo! Ava pi killee krusp da ma green.

# Icelandic: Gud minn godur! Thad er o:xi i ho:fdinu a mer.
# IdoI1: Ho! Mea Deo. Hakilo esas en mea kapo.
# Ilythiiri (Drow)I2: Ussta Quarval-sharess! Gaer zhah velve wun ussta karliik!
# IndonesianA4: Ya Allah, dikepalaku ada kapak.
# Inuktitut (Greenlandic)I3: Åh gootinga! Niaquniipuq ulimaat.
# Irish, ModernI4: Ó mo Dhia! Tá tua i mo cheann!
# Irish, OldI5: A mo dé! Táthum túag im chenn-sa.
# Italian: Dio mio! C'e' un' ascia nella mia testa!
# Italian (Trieste dialect)I6: Co dio! xe na mannera nella mia testa

# Japanese: ahh, kamisama! watashi no atama ni ono ga arimasu.

# KlingonK1: toH, HIvqa' Qun'a'wIj! nachwIjDaq 'obmaQ tu'lu'!
# KoreanC2: aigo, OtchOna! nae daegarie tokkiga pakhyO inne!
# KyrgyzK2: Oh Kuday! Bashimda balta bar!

# Latin: Deus Meus! Securis in capite meo est.
# Latvian: Ak Dievs! Man ir cirvis galva!
# LithuanianC3: Dieve mano, turiu kirvi galvoje!

# MacedonianM1: O, Gospodi! Imam sekira vo glavata.
Oh my God! there's an axe in my Macedonian head.
# MalayalamM2: Entey Deiwame, entey thalayil oru kodali undei.
# MalteseM3: Alla tieghi, ghandi mannara f'rasi
Alla tieghi, hemm mannara gewwa rasi
# MandarinC3: Wode tian a! You yi ba futou cha zai wode naodai li!
# Manx (Gaelg)M4: Shee bannee mee! Shen vel teigh syns mee ard-chione.
# MaoriM5: Aue Te Ariki! He toki ki roto taku mahuna!
# Marathi: Aray Devaa! Majhyaa dokyaat kurhaad aahay.

# Norse, AncientN1: Haurheghaud, ijh hehe einght aghsethe hjij haafhohuhede!
# Norwegian (Bokmål dialect; "Book Tongue")N2:
Herre Gud, jeg har fått en øks i hodet.
Herregud! Jeg har en øks i hodet.
# Norwegian, New (Nynorsk dialect)N2:
Herregud! Eg har ein øks i hovudet.
Herre Gud, eg har fått ei øks i hovudet mitt.

# Polish: O Moj Boze! Mam siekiere w glowie!
# Portuguese: Meu Deus! Tenho um machado na cabeca!

# QuenyaQ1: A Ilúvatarinya! En ná pelecco cárinyesse.
O Erunya! En ná i pelecco mi nya cár.

# RomanianR1: Dumnezeule! Este un topor in capul meu!
# RussianK1, R2, E1: Gospodi! Topor u moye golovye!
Bozhe moy, u meenya tapor v golove!

# SámiS1: Vuoi Ipmilahcci! Mus han leat aksu oaivvis
# SanskritS2: He mama deva! Asti mama murdhni parasuh!
# Serbo-CroatianC3: Boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi.
# Scots GaelicB5, C3, I4: Och, mo Dhia, 's e tuagh a tha sa' mo cheann.
# SinhalaS3: Ane Deviyane! Mage oluwe porawak thiyanawa
# SlovakA4: Pane boze! Mam sekeru v hlave!
# Slovenian: Moj Bog! Sekiro imam v glavi.
# SpanishS4: ¡Dios mio! ¡Hay un hacha en mi cabeza!
# Srana (Surinamese)S5: Tjé mi gado! Mi ab' wang aksi na ini mi édé!
# Swahili: Siyo! (Huko) Shoka yangu kichwanil!
# SwedishS6: Oh, Herregud! Jag har en yxa i huvudet!

# Tagalog: Ay Dios ko! May palakol sa ulo ko!
# TamilA4: Ada kadavule! En thalaiyil oru kodali irrukku!
# TeleguC3: Ore devudo! Naa thala lo goddali undhi
# TurkishT1: Aman Tanrim; Kafama saplanmis bir balta var.

# UkranianB5: Bozhe mij, ja maju sokyru v holovi
# UrduU1: Au Mere Allah Mere Sur Me Kulahri Hai

# Vietnamese (North Dialect)A4: Oi gioi oi! Cai bu'a no bo vao dau toi!
# Vietnamese (Central Dialect)A4: Oi troi phat oi! Cai rua chem vo dau tui!
# Vietnamese (South Dialect)A4: Chu'a toi oi! Cai rua chat be dau tao!
# Visigothic: Meina guth, Ikgastaldan aqizi-wunds meina haubida
# VolapükV1: O God obik! Binon lecüd in kap obik.

# Wallon (Belgian dialectical French– phonetic)W1: Nom dé dju, y a èn hache din m' tièt
# WelshB6: A Dduw! Mae bywell yn fy mhen i!

# YiddishY1: gotenyu! s'iz do a hak in kop!

# Zau Ta-folin (Sauron's Black Speech of Mordor)Z1:
Afar Lugbúrz! at sapat kok-ishi.
Afar vadokanuk, At sapat kok-ishi!
# ZuluZ2: Awu nkosi yami kunembhazo ekh

A Test

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sun, 16 Oct 2005 23:27:00 +0000

I recently took a test on where I'm going to be in Dante's Inferno. I've read the book once or twice, and I like it alot, so I was very interested to see where I'd end up. What's very interesting to me is that in the chart there's no way to go to heaven. Well, I suppose that's God's plan for us all, eh?

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Cool? Freezing.

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 02:56:00 +0000

My friend recently got one of those neat camera phone dealies, and we went out and took some pictures. They are really quail, and it amazes me that they were taken with something like a phone. And the neatest part is, these were emailed to me, from the phone! The marvels modern technology can provide us with. . .

See? I'm levitating it.

:wink: you know you love it.

This one is like one of those old DBZ episodes, I love it!

Ok, I'm done now, I just had to show everybody. Back to proffesional journalism and real opinions. Thank you for your time.

Thank You

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Tue, 04 Oct 2005 17:12:00 +0000

My statcounter just informed me that I have finally passed 1000 hits. I just wanted to thank all of you for coming and checking out what I have to say. I originally started this blog with no intention of talking to an actual audience. Since then, what with me entering the atheist blogosphere and all, I have found a happieness on the web that I never thought could exist. So, thank you all again for staying with me and I look forward to posting for many years to come.

I have nothing witty to say.

Goodie Grab Bag #2

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Mon, 03 Oct 2005 00:54:00 +0000

Here's number two in the epic series Goodie Grab Bag about a boy lost in a supermarket with no way out, and with evil grandparents closing in, blocking off every door with candy cane bars. . . no, wait, wrong script.

1. Hey, kid, you wanna look at my bible?
2. Not really. . .
1. Aw, cumon, it's really big.
2. I really don't think. . . WHOA!

And in one of the largest advertising agreements of all time, the well known Niagra Falls has been renamed Viagra Falls. This controversial move was made becuase, according to Jacky Knoff, CEO of Viagra Corp., she felt it would be really neat.

Chris: Why didn't you do your homework last night?
Seth: I had other things to do last night.

Life in Latin:

YOU: Tu Mater! (your mom!)
FRIENDS: oooooooh.
FRIEND: Um. . .
YOU: Tu aspicere! (your face!)
FRIENDS: buuuuurrrrrrrrnnnnn.
YOU: Parum honorifice et dimittere! (dissed and dismissed!)
FRIEND: ouch.

Well, you know what they say: it's better to toss your spear at the stars and hit the ground than it is to throw a pipe bomb at a cat, and hit your uncles Winnebago.

And remember kids, you don't need drugs to enjoy life, you need drugs to enhance life.

Goodie Grab Bag #1

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 00:23:00 +0000

Yo. First of all, this is either Pixel's idea or Seth's idea, haven't quite been following, but credit should be given where credit is blah blah blah. Anywho, since this idea seems to be a public thing, and since everything I put in here in either made up by me or credited, I thought I'd take a stab at a Goodie Grab Bag.

1: WHOA
2: What?
1: My fly was unzipped.
2: . . .
1: It's ok now.

The Baby Bottle Pop is not appropriate for children under age 3. -Cameron

1: I never wanted to do this any way. . .
2: No.
1: I always. . .
2: Don't say it.
1: Wanted to be. . .
2: I'm dead serious.
1: A. . .
2: STOP IT!
1: Lumberja *sound of gun being fired* *thud*
2: What a senseless waste of human life. . .

There is a peice of Babylon hanging out of your nose. . .

1: Your face is Uranus, it is covered with a layer of noxious fumes so thick that no one has ever been able to penetrate it.
2: Fuck you.

Your Vaginal passage is larger than the Hoover Damn. -Andrew

1: Seth, can I smell your hair?
2: um. . .
1: Just think about it is all I'm saying.

We're not dangerous, we live in Newton. -Olo

1: You make me sick
2: . . .
1: Sick with joy.

Now, now, now. . . Don't start hemorrhaging on me, nobody wants that. . .

1: I never wanted to do this anyways, I always wanted, to be a. . .
2: If you keep singing I will so kick your ass.
1: Oh? Well now it's your turn to be wrong! I had my ass surgically removed!

If the bible was a person, it would be a combination of Dan Quayl, Hitler, and that Clown that shows up uninvited at 2 year olds birthday parties to do a special performance.

Thank you for your time.

Out In The Open At Last

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sun, 25 Sep 2005 16:32:00 +0000

The group blog I talked about earlier is finally public.

The official URL is www.kingdomofheathen.blogspot.com. This is quite awesome, and posts are streaming in from all of the contributors. Perhaps to many.

This is awesome, go there immediatley.

New Blog, and my trip

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Fri, 23 Sep 2005 20:16:00 +0000

I'm tired. But school's up now and 6 hours of sleep is the best I can do. I have WAY to much to do, so I and Seth made a group blog. Kele and Pyroshark are in it too, if you don't know who they are then you seriously lack quail. Anywho, the URL is Godcandomyhomework.blogspot.com.

This will be an atheist blog, one made with 4 teens. It'll be good to not have to do everything for once.

I'm afraid that, assuming this works out, I'm not gonna be posting much here anymore, but everything I write will be accessable at the site.

It's not public yet, so don't expect anything for at least a week.

And on a personal note: I'll be going to Washington D.C. this weekend to report on the peace march Cindy Sheehan is doing. Prov says I should get myself arrested so I can report on the prison conditions and make it a double feature. He he he, Prov and his jokes.

Wow, The Bible Sucks. . .

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 21:29:00 +0000

So, I've been reading the Bible. . . After the recent blog swap over at the evangelical atheist, I decided that I knew much less than I had once beleived about religion. My philosophy is to Know Your Enemy, which brings me back to the Bible. With school and everything it's been slow going, but I have learned alot. And it's all pretty much made me more of an atheist.

Just looking at the Bible as a book, I don't particularly care for it. The plot meanders along its way, not particularly caring about the readers interest. The main character seems to greatly change from one chapter to the other, and indeed seems to be a totally different person on occasion, striking people one minute, giving them unequeled wealth the next.

Perhaps the greatest example of God's weakness of character is The Book of Job.

So God had an ultimate servant. And when I say ultimate, I mean super-best--vital-critical-absolutely definatley totally awesome. This was the cheese. In fact he was above the cheese, beyond it, over it. He was so far ahead of the cheese that, in comparison with it, he was beyond the horizon. His name was Job.

Now one day Satan and God were talking:

And the LORD said unto Satan "From where do you come?" So Satan answered the LORD and said, "From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking back and forth on it."

The the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?"

So Satan, being the eternal ass that he is, says that Job is only loyal becuase God protects him. So God, being weak, essentially says "Go, knock urself out, make Job's life a living hell, but do not harm his body. See if he stops beleiving." And the Devil does so. By the time he's finished, Job's house is gone, his possesions are gone, his wife is gone, his 7 sons and 3 duaghters are gone, but he remains faithful. Whattta dope.

Then Satan and God talk again. God basicly makes fun of the Devil for failing, and Satan says it was just becuase Job wasn't physically hurt. So God once again crumbles, he lets Satan do whatever the hell he wants with Job, and Job gets totally screwed.

In the end Job does get his house back, his possesions a different wife, and 10 different children.

So what we can see from this is that, were I to beleive in God, the Bible itself says that serving him loyally ends up totally fucking up your life. It also shows me the hollow see throughness of the Christian religion. Well, I read part of the Bible, and boy does it suck.

It's Worse Than I Thought. . .

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sun, 18 Sep 2005 22:47:00 +0000

Whoa. New polls. This is very sad.

http://www.pollingreport.com/educ2.htm

On Hold

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sat, 17 Sep 2005 21:51:00 +0000

In the final days before school began, I was bored out of my mind.

I know this doesn't really have anything to do with atheism, but I'm still in the process of writing my next series of posts which I have tentatively dubbed "Wierd Orginizations." No, wait, actually I haven't even started writing it yet, damn homework.

Anywho, in my silent bored stupor, my DSL cut out. After two hours on hold and at least 20 minutes of pointless discussion with various customer service people, I finally figured out what was wrong: out of AOLs three or four DSL systems, which each had a 17,000 mile range, my house was 800 feet outside of all of them. 800 feet! *slicing motion*

Well, anyway, now I was bored and pissed, but I had something to write about. So, over the proccess of a few hours, I had came up with "On Hold." May I remind you that this, like everything else in my blog, is copyrighted. Enjoy.

On Hold
By Chris Annas-Lee

Philip Wigan has been on hold for two weeks.

It had happened one day in mid August when Phil had called up the DSL customer service. The DSL was beautiful, for the one day it worked. It was fast, reliable, able to play streaming videos quickly. Exactly what the commercial had said. But Phil had known it was impossible. Commercials, and this is a Law of Physics, are not correct. The product they advertise might be perfectly good, but the space time continuum simply cannot physically enable it to function properly. If it does work, as Phil’s had when it first arrived, the continuum calls out it’s armed forces to wait until the unsuspecting buyer leaves the house, then to club the equally unsuspecting product to pieces, patch it up with tape, and finally leave the house with bright smiles on their faces, happy in the knowledge of a job well done.
So, the day after the arrival and installation of the DSL, Phil returned from work to his study, and turned on the computer. He typed in the URL for the Boston Globe website, hit the enter key, and sat back in his chair. Nothing happened. Phil was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access Q:h.433294@e.com but instead ends up with Q:h.434105@e.com.
He hit the enter key again, rather harder than necessary. He waited, and in that silence, somewhere, a solitary bunny rabbit bobbed his head to Jazz music. Then, rather suddenly, nothing continued to happen. He began to get annoyed, but the thought that the DSL wasn’t working didn’t once cross his mind. This was because his subconscious refused to accept the fact that the DSL wasn’t working. Though the subconscious didn’t realize it at the time, it to was obeying another, though much less known rule of fundamental physics which states, in very clear and legible interstellar language: “” (It’s not my fault you people haven’t learned that language yet).
So, acting in a very normal, natural way under the current circumstances, and still steadfastly believing that it could not possibly be a problem involved with the DSL, Phil very slowly picked up his keyboard, and smashed it in two.
One quick trip to Best Buy later, during which time the continuum’s armed forces reentered Phil’s home and smashed and taped up his septic tank (but that’s a different story), Phil sat once again at his computer, with a new keyboard in front of him. The old, smashed-in-two keyboard would later be reincarnated as a very large grizzly bear, and Phil would much later be reincarnated as a salmon, but that, also, is a very different story.
Now Phil was calm. His subconscious had given up trying to keep rational thoughts out of his head, and had taken a much needed vacation to Cuba. So, there were a few fleeting ideas of things hovering in Phil’s mind as he hit the enter key again. There was a pause. At the end of that pause there was another pause, this one was slightly longer than the first. This was followed by another pause which about 10 seconds long; shortly afterwards there was a 50 second pause, then a short break as the pauses went out to the porch for a smoke, then the whole process began (naturally) at the beginning again.
Phil hit enter again. Then he hit his head with the palm of his right hand, swearing loudly, since the mouse was still clutched in it. After some more cursing, he explained his idea to the wall which, since he had hit himself, had begun to resemble Pamela Anderson (this image quickly faded, and he felt sad again). “You see,” he said to John Malkovich, who had just joined the party, but who would be leaving very soon, “I’ve been hitting the enter button all this time, I should hit go with the mouse.”
He did so. And there was a pause. . .
5,280 pauses later, he decided to call customer service. He had never liked calling customer service, though he had only done it seven times in his life. The first time had been rather pleasant. He had been in a rough place in his life, his wife had just left him and was demanding child support for a son that only she could see, and she was suing him for not paying it. His television had been acting up, and he had called the hot line. A nice woman had shortly shown him that the TV was, in fact, possessed by an evil fire breathing demon, and had shown him, step by step, how to remove it. He had thanked her vigorously, before turning off the phone and instantly feeling better. The next five calls were to the same woman, asking her to marry him. On the sixth, she told him he was crazy, and said she had gotten a restraining order against him.
So he was clearly not well disposed towards customer service, though a faint part of him hoped to meet someone there again. . .
Eventually, summing up all his courage, he phoned in. A gruff toned man with a faintly Indian accent told him that he would be put on with a technician shortly, and that he should hold. He has been holding ever since.
Phil’s phone is a corded phone, so he couldn’t run for help, even after his food supply of old M ‘n M crumbs had run out. He couldn’t get on the internet to email help, because the DSL didn’t work. And he couldn’t hang up.
He had tried, oh he had tried. But every time he was about to, the music stopped for a moment and a kind and warm woman’s voice informed him that his call was important to the company, and to her. She said it wouldn’t be long now . . . just a few minutes . . . technicians were otherwise occupied. . .
Phil had tried screaming at the woman to let him go, to let him live in peace. But it didn’t work. Over time he had developed a kind of relationship with the woman. Phil and the woman had never met; they were like two butterflies who had also never met. Eventually, Phil decided to go mad. Since Phil was already mad at the time of his decision, madness seemed perfectly reasonable to him. He developed an even deeper relationship with the woman. His call was important to her. He mattered to her. He was important. He mattered. . .
Now Phil had recently won a company golf tournament. Usually this would mean nothing, but Phil had no skill at golf, he had won by pure luck. His luck had been used up at that tournament. That’s the only explanation for what was about to happen. The DSL company he was calling went bankrupt. Everyone was fired. But the phone remained plugged in, still playing the slow and steady beat of Beethoven’s Ninth, over and over again.
He should have died. By every law of nature he should be dead. Every law, that is, except one. This law states: “When a person is put on hold by customer service, or any other company for that matter, he or she is rendered invincible. A bullet could pierce straight through the body of this person, a really big snake with huge pointy teeth could swallow him or her whole; it wouldn’t matter. While this person is on hold, hunger is irrelevant, pain unnoticed, and the world becomes a cloud of gray.”
Philip Wigan has been on hold for two weeks. He has nothing else to do, and there is no one at all to come looking for him. Without intervention, he will continue to hold. He will wait, solemnly, quietly. He will listen to Beethoven, he will long for the woman with the kind and warm voice. But the music will not end, and the woman will not come. . . Phil Wigan will be on hold forever.

It's A Small World. . . In The Conventions Center

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Thu, 15 Sep 2005 21:18:00 +0000

By now everyone knows about how the New Orleans Convention Center was flooded with Hurricane Katrina's survivors. But I had never imagined how horrible conditions had become inside, and how another world had developed on its own.

The Convention Center is not a shelter, but is being used as one. People were told to go there becuase there was no where left to go. And they came, lots of them came. Most were just scared people, happy to be alive, and expecting buses within the day. But among them were the gangs.

Before long there were territories within the Center, and shootings were common place. Derik McKay, a former prison guard now without a prison to guard, took up the job of protecting the innocent from the various gang wars that frequently erupted within the Center.

Days passed, help never came. But it's not as if help wasn't there. Cop cars passed by on an hourly bases, helicopters zoomed overhead, but none stopped for them. Apparently a few brave police officers were inside, but they were hopelessly outnumbered and outgunned.

As time wore on the conditions worsened. The pitch black chamber slowly aquired a horible stench as sewage piled up on the slick floor, and dead bodies accumulated against the walls.

Bush declared a National Prayer Day. Ha.

Micheal Brown didn't even know there were people there, he had to be told by an NPR reporter.

Maybe now help will get there? We'll see.

GOD or NOT Carnival

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Sat, 10 Sep 2005 22:20:00 +0000

There's a new carnival in town. The atheist vs. theist carnival God or Not begins on 10-03-05, and will have a new edition every month. This idea is absolutely brilliant, a place where theists and non-theists can finally meet face to face and decide once and for all, is there a god? or is there not?

www.godornot.com

This is most definatley Quail. Check it out.

My Beliefs

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Mon, 05 Sep 2005 19:38:00 +0000

From now on this blog is officially Atheist.

Here are my beleifs, as an atheist (I'll probably make a page to put this in later on):

1. There is no god. That goes for the Christian God, the Jewish God, Vishnu, Anubis, Zues, Achilles, Chac, Epona, Dionysus, Geb, Horus, Jesus, Juno, Jupiter, Nammu, Oden, Pan, Rama, Yum Kimil, the Giant Tree Frogs of Kakarugi, or any other deity, semi-diety, fairy, elf, gnome, devil, angel, or mermaid.

2. Nothing is impossible if given enough study and research by Science. It was impossible to fly, we flew. It was impossible to deal death from half way across the planet, we invented the Trident Submarine. We landed on the Moon, we landed on Mars, things we've made have gone outside of this solar system.

3. Religion has kept mankind from accomplishing things. When people are allowed to experiment and do things differently than what doctrine dictates, progress will be made.

4. I thoroughly respect religion and, as long as it does not hurt people, I have nothing against people practicing their religion.

5. I recognize religions importance in the evolution of mankind. A also recognize that it was needed to explain the unexplainable, and that now that we have Science, it is no longer needed.

6. I follow the evidence. If someone can show me undeniable evidence of the existence of God, I will know that God exists, and therefore believe in him. And this has to be evidence that I cannot disprove, and that no one else can. However, I am so certain that there will never be any such evidence, that I will give 200 dollars to the person that can produce it.

There might be more, I discover new aspects of myself every day.

Fine, Be That Way

noreply@blogger.com (Aeger) — Mon, 05 Sep 2005 18:09:00 +0000

Well, this little experiment did exactly what it was supposed to. I now know that, contrary to my stat counter records, no one ever actually reads this blog. No one cares, ok, fine. Maybe someone will in future. If anything I realize that I'll have to work harder to get people here. Fine, I will. You'll see.