WTF Carnival #2

Well, here we are again, the Wow, That's Funny Carnival #2. The same people are here, mainly Me, Myself, and I. Oh, and then there's Seth, Pixel, and the newbie Adam. Replacing me as the newbie to the Goodie Grab Bag assembly, he should be picked on extra hard. I especially recomend pushing him into walls as often as possible to express your appreciation of his quips. This is coming to you on the 1'st of December, I don't care what day it actually is coming to you on, I'll be busy tomorrow which is why I'm posting today, just don't tell anyone. As always, we vote on the quips we like the most. There hasn't been a limit imposed in the past on how many you can vote on, which I find to be the epitome of stupidy, so I'm making a limit. The limit is 2 to be counted. And we actually are going to count them this month, so take that Bush Administration. Obviously you can say if you like any others in the comments, but please specify your two votes by saying the letters above the quips. So come on in. Yep, that's right, you and you, get on in there. No no, not you. Well, maybe you. Ok, fine, all of you can come in, just don't steal anything. People these days.

A

You hate yourself? How do you think I feel?!?

B

I'm in the same boat, but I'm going backwards.

C

You. . . are a placenta!

D

1: We're even.
2: I don't think we'll ever be even.
1: Why?
2: Because we're too odd.

E

2: Say the word 'what.'
1: What?
2: Say 'what!'
1: Oh. What?
2: Thanks.

F

The only thing I love more than food is eating it.

G

Its not that my jokes aren't funny, you're just ugly.

H

1. What word has 3 letters in it and starts most sentences?
2. Sex?
1. No, the word "the". . . but lets have some candy.

I

Evil soldiers who die don't go to hell, they become the French.

J

I hope you're happy. I lost two night's sleep and a daydream over this!

K

Man 1: Hey man, I’m sorry I crashed into the back of your car.
Man 2: Oh, that’s all right.
Man 1: Hey, you. . . uh. . . you wanna go exchange insurance information?
Man 2: You mean like. . . uh. . . in the back seat of my car?
Man 1: Ya. . . ya. Let’s go . . . uh . . . exchange insurance information in the back seat of your car.
Man 3: Can I come too?
Man 1: Can your back seat fit that many young men wishing to exchange insurance information?
Man 2: The more the merrier.
Man 3: Awesome.
Man 1: Let’s go.

L

I thought she said sex, but it turned out she said therapy. I guess we do need to work on communication.

M

1: A contradiction cannot exist in the real world.
2: That both is and isn't true.

N

1. I have an idea!
2. What is it?
1. Well, I’ll tell you: . . . . It’s a reverse mosh pit.
2. What?
1. We take these rock stars and toss ‘em into a pit, then we throw a crowd of moshers onto them!
2. That’s just sick.
1. I know, I love it too.

O

Boy: You know, ya can't spell "make out" without "me" and "u".
Girl: Ah, well, I could say the same thing about "murder".

P

It's too quite . . . too quite.

Q

It’s not that I’m intolerant, you’re just ugly

R

I think a fun thing to do would be to go to an aquarium…and poke the fish.
No, seriously. It's like, the fish is swimming along peacefully, and suddenly THIS FINGER COMES FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! And the fish is like, "What the fuck was that?" But then it just keeps swimming and swimming, when suddenly THE FINGER COMES BACK! And the fish is like, "No, seriously, what the fuck was that?" But then it just keeps swimming and swimming.
Oh, and the merry-go-round is fun too.

S

Don't hate me for who I am, hate me for who I'm not, that way I don't
feel bad about myself.

T

1: You know, you shouldn't judge people by the food they eat.
2: Oh?
1: Yeah, I know some very nice cannibals.

U

1. Okay, okay. I have a joke
2. Alrighty.
1. Are you ready? It’s mad awesome.
2. Yes yes. Go.
1. Okay. . . okay.
2. Yes?
1. Are you sure you’re ready?
2. Yes.
1. Totally psyched up?
2. I’m ready.
1. Okay. . . okay. Here it is:
2. Yes?
1. . . .
2. . . .
1. . . . RELIGION! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
2. . . .
1. . . .
2. That’s not very funny.
1. Yes your right, I don’t really get it either.

I was hoping to think of something good to end this with, but I have alot of trouble writing good conc